Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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