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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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