once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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