You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
