The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
