am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
did you just send me my own nude
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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