im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
