Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
