You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
