you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
