I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
