wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
