Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
