My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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