I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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