Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
