who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Houston, we have a squirter
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
