You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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