One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
