i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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