hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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