There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
