The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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