he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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