Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
