had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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