More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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