I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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