craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
