I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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