Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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