I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
