You smell like stripper and shame
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
