Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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