I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
