I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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