Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
