I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
