Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
