your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
