My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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