i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
