just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
