Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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