but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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