I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
