i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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