I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
