I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
