dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
