Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
