I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
