I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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