so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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